In loving memory of when I gave a sh!t, we gather here to honor that fleeting yet magnificent era. It was a time of noble aspirations and lofty goals, where my daily agenda included the profound contemplation of consequences and the strategic planning of life decisions. Sadly, the vigil of caring ended abruptly, akin to a tragic soap opera cliffhanger, leaving behind only the faint echoes of a once-earnest concern. We remember those days fondly, when "I should probably care about this" was a genuine thought rather than a sarcastic footnote.